Hi, everybody. I’m sorry for writing once in a while. I remained at the work which makes me spend every day in a surviving mode. I go away in the morning, I come back at night. I speak to Bogdan by telephone once in a day. We’d realized before it was too late… Bogdan was checked. The recommendations were given. Bogdan follows them exactly – medicines, diet. We achieved good results of state of his hepar. The ultrasonography is fine. Transaminases are high, but they go down. Bogdan is observed… It’s good news, but I share it very carefully, because I’m afraid of every call… of every day. It’s becoming harder to write news. I’m afraid of even thinking about such things, but I have to write about them.
During Bogdan’s illness any secondary problem can appear. Now we face the hepar… The main disease exists anyway. We communicated with our hematologist… We reflect… We reflect on our way of living while we have lack of money. The prices of the hospital increase. Once in three months the prices of therapy increase for foreigners. We’re looking forward to consultation with a transplantologist. We hope to come at the certain doctor, so it’s necessary to wait.
Bogdan mopes a little. Sometimes he does it… I see that it’s inevitable in his case, but it’s so bitter… Summer… His holiday is coming. The greatest holiday… The brightest one. Birthday… life. We believe in life. But we are very scared. He keeps silence about his fears. As for me, I can’t hide them constantly. I’m very scared.
I desperately want to make him happy. I know the only way to do it – he cares for his job. That’s why I’m here every day… I took all the affairs upon myself in the state that was described. Sometimes with despair, sometimes with nervous laugh, sometimes with a smile, I do everything I promised him. I don’t give up the things he esteems, but I’m near to sink frequently.
I dream about the only one thing… about a victory. To be winners. To revive his business. To put back his reputation. To become strong. To help another people… Yes, it’s my biggest motivation – to defend him now and to have an opportunity to extend a helping hand to ones who fell in the future.
God… I wish things would straighten out. I wish he was healthy and happy. I wish we could find money for his treatment. I wish I could come out with the work. I wish he had nothing to fear… I wish I could sigh with relief.
I desire to go to fishing in the summer. To choose fruits and vegetables for making salads. To swim. To bask in the sun. To arrange garden parties. To walk in the park with our small dog.
All these things are above attainment at the moment… Far away. But I want nothing so greatly… Just to live. Calmly. Judiciously. Spiritually. Joyfully. Nowadays, I even have to give away our dog, because I have no time to walk with him, only at night… but I’m exhausted. I don’t notice anything around. Except the aim. I believe it’s just a trial for me. And it will finish. I need only my efforts and faith.
I feel so tired. I have no opportunity to make reports regularly. I answer you when I have a free minute. But it’s the minute when I have need in moral support most of all.